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What is right with me?

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There are 4 wedding announcements on my fridge. And there are several more announcements I've forgotten to put on the fridge. My younger brother and younger sister are both getting married in the next 40 days. 

Tis the season! This happens about every year (minus my two siblings getting married)... It's not unusual to see good friends getting married. Even outside my Mormon bubble, two friends from high school have recently gotten married/engaged. People are finding their life companions! I'm so excited for them! Love is in the air!

This is the kind of stuff that used to make me a little sad that I hadn't found the right guy yet, and I used to ask myself "What is wrong with me?". But for the past few months, I've been so happy, and I haven't been on a single date.... I'm beginning to wonder "What's right with me?"

My paradigm is different. I don't know what it is. I'm not anxious. I'm not sad. I'm excited for my friends, and I'm happy to be single. Like, really. Even given the option to go out with one guy, I recently said "No" because I knew it wouldn't lead anywhere. 

Almost a year ago, I started praying for dating opportunities like I was a hunter looking for prey. It was insane. God answers prayers, so yes, I filled a few monthly quotas with 8-10 dates per month. Right now, I can't even believe I did that! I mean, I know exactly where my intent came from-- I wanted to show my faith by praying for good interactions with men that might possibly lead to marriage. 

But the kind of scrambling mentality that pushes you to your wits end wondering if you'll ever find the right guy is not the answer. And that was me. 

Right now I can't remember the last date I went on. It was probably a few months ago. And because I don't care, I'm starting to wonder if something's wrong with me. 

Actually, I know what it is. Several months back I had some great dating opportunities that have led to genuinely beautiful friendships. But before they could be friendships, there was heartache. So, I guess I might be protecting my emotions by simply choosing to not care, while being happy for others who have started on their life journey with someone else. 

At my new job yesterday I chatted with an old friend who I knew from Liberty Square. He got married 5 years ago and has 3 kids (he has twins). He asked me about my life and where I'm headed.  None of this conversation made me sad. I was happy. Both for him because of how awesome he is in starting a beautiful family, and happy for me that I am single, doing many good things, and moving forward with my career. 

Ladies and gentlemen, it feels like I am resting in The Lord. There is a peace. There is a calm. I don't have all the answers, but I feel totally ok with things! That's the only way I can describe this. I feel like God has calmed my heart and said "You are enough. Just keep living the commandments, and all will be well."

I hope I can keep living my life in such a way that this perspective lasts. It is so refreshing and exciting to rejoice in others' happiness, and rejoice in my own, rather than compare the two. So the question is not "What's wrong with me?" But "What's right with me?" Gotta keep this up! And I hope that any of my friends out there struggling with this similar situation will feel their storms being calmed by faith and trust in The Lord too. 

I might not have a wedding announcement to put on the fridge, but I've got things like this! PS I did pretty well on the GRE! Better than I had expected!

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